Everything started in the smocket during freshman year. You looked like Wednesday Addams personified, but a friendlier version. Of everyone there, I didn’t expect you to be the nice upperclassman who’d go out of her way to talk to the awkward girl and make sure that she wasn’t out of place. But that’s how it happened, and it didn’t happen just once. It continued until the day you graduated.
Black was your color, as seen in your goth fashion sense and winged eyeliner, but there was nothing dark about your personality. Sure, there were times when you were snarky, but always in a funny way. I’ll never forget the way you always poked fun at everyone that they became running jokes. It was boobs and uptightness in my case. I can’t keep track of how many times you told me that I was a third wheel to my huge twins, and that I needed to let loose and break away from the good girl image I try so hard to keep.
I eventually did. In fact, I clearly remember the night you played my unplanned wing girl. It was at this shabby bar along Xavierville Avenue. The boy I liked was in love with you, but you had a boyfriend at the time. Even if when I was absolutely certain that my juvenile infatuation would lead to nowhere, you still made something happen between us. It lasted for about a minute and I went home feeling giddy that night, all thanks to you. Never did I imagine myself doing something like that in front of so many people I knew. Not without you acting on it and pulling me out of my shell like always.
Our friendship wasn’t always smooth-sailing but you never failed to find a way to resolve things and keep our friendship intact. I’ll never forget that day you spontaneously sat me down and apologized for everything that’s transpired between us. It was supposed to be a secret between the two of us. Particularly, you said that you were sorry for breaking girl code and that you would understand if I chose to distance myself from you. At first, I was extremely weirded out, and all I could think about was you overreacting and overestimating the extent in which I liked the boy, the same boy I liked who was now the person you were dating. I didn’t see it then, but this is what you wanted to say: I care about your feelings and I don’t want you to be hurt because of me. In truth, I should be the one saying sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like you didn’t deserve to be happy. But I honestly don’t blame you for capturing his heart. You make it so easy to love you.
The last time I saw you was at Starbucks the Monday before you died. You had no make-up on and you looked like you were blooming. Seeing you again was a breath of fresh air on that dreary morning, especially with the way your eyes lit up as you were telling me how much you enjoyed your work and master’s classes. More than anything, I was glad to know that you were finally happy. Before I left, you invited me to go to this party on Friday because you would be there. But I ended up not going and am now feeling the heavy impact of my decision. If only I had known sooner that it would be the last night you would ever have on Earth, I would have went in a heartbeat. Later on I find out you asked our friends to invite as much people as they could. It all makes sense now.
All I want to say is that I am extremely blessed and thankful to have known someone like you in this lifetime. I’ll say my final goodbyes to you soon. Too late for regrets now. I miss you and love you very much Bianca. Rest in peace.